★ ★ ★ Jeshika (goddessofice) wrote,
★ ★ ★ Jeshika

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Failure isn't an option. . .

As most of you have already heard, I did it. I cut it off with Jay on Saturday. *sigh* I don't know, things weren't clicking. We didn't really have a relationship, so to speak. Just making out. It was weird; I didn't know him, he didn't know me. Now I know what they mean when they say that long distance relationships are hard. I think that our main problem was that we didn't start out locally. We were just... bam. Together in a week. That was my mistake; I didn't think, didn't project. In the end, I think I wound up really hurting him. It certainly wasn't my intent. I don't think it's anyone's intent. It just happens.
Yesterday I found that he had e-mailed me this really long, sappy love letter about how he had "almost" fallen for me and he didn't regret anything we'd done. Or been through. It wasn't all that long, just a little over a month. He said he's looking for the same qualities that our relationshio had. This is just... confusing. We didn't even really have a "relationship" to speak of. Not in my eyes, and when we were breaking up, that's what he told me. Now I just feel like a complete and utter bitch. I felt like that when I gave him the speech. I still feel the same way now, as illogical as it may sound. I wanted to end it, but there was no harmless way of removing the strings.
So, yeah. I'm single. I can stalk and occasionally stare at a certain someone now and not feel horribly guilty about it.

I saw Sweet Home Alabama this weekend... and My Big Fat Greek Wedding again with the new love of my life, Catharina. I also got to see Katy on Monday. We waited around for the carpet guy, then ran rampant in Toys "R" Us and got free Friendly's ice cream. It was a day well spent, catching up and talking about nothing. I need to do that more often. I really wish I wasn't so busy. Here I thought Senior Year was supposed to be fun. Hrmph.
On another note, I'm thinking of switching my journal name. This one won't be deleted... it'll be open as a kind of testament to my past thoughts and feelings and all that jazz. I'll keep you posted.
Now, let's go watch that Buffy the Vampire Slayer, shall we?

~* Jeshika
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