★ ★ ★ Jeshika (goddessofice) wrote,
★ ★ ★ Jeshika
goddessofice

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Right now, I really don't care...

Sometimes I look at myself and realize just how childish some of the things that I do are. It may be simple things, like the way I stand or maybe even a hand gesture here and there. Other times it's things that are more complex and specific, like the way that I handle a certain situation and then later on live to regret it. That childish part of me is something that I'm very much afraid of losing, but at the same time I think I need to... and maybe I'm afraid that I just won't be able to shake it. It's a part of me, after all. It makes me who I am, gives people insight to my character.
Sometimes I think I have lousy character. I don't do things because I feel I want to, but it's because I need to, or other people view it as something that I have to do. Like tonight, out of nowhere, my mom insists that I get the application done for Boston College's early admission application. I don't want to do it, yet I know I'll be forced to because my mother wants me to go there. I, for one, don't see my future there. Why bother wasting the money on an application if I'm going to resist making a name for myself in that establishment? *sigh* I'll do it anyway. I'll be upo until about eleven or twelve working on an essay that I don't even want to write, but know that it has to be spectacular so that perchance I don't get accepted anywhere else, maybe the little personal essay I had to write on the Boston College application may be what caught the admissions officer's eye and got me admitted.

Yeah. Sixteen of two-hundred and something-odd students is never enough. You still need to fill out the damned applications.

~* Jeshika
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